I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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