Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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