not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
