I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
