its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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