I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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