You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
