i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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