her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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