I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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