God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
