I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
