i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
