im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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