hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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