cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
