I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Text me some of your sweat
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