it wasn't lemon gatorade
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
