I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
