Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
