The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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