he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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