I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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