so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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