i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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