I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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