i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
