Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
