Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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