WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
