OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
