Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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