How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
