I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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