literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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