C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
