The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize