Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
