I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
