it was like his penis was on wheels.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
