Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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