Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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