She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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