Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
