Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize