Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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