One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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