I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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