I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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