the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
