Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
