Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
