Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
try to milk me bitch
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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