I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
