I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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