i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
accomplished twins. life is a go
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
