so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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