We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
